When I was a kid, I was a little “yes man”. I did what I was told and, to this day, have never really had a rebellious phase.
I grew up, like most children, being taught that swearing was wrong. And well into high school, I still felt a little offended every time I heard a curse word. I think I may have been an actual high school senior when I finally decided not to be offended anymore.
Robin Williams Live on Broadway standup special was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. And the f-word features prominently. I watched it until I could quote all my favorite parts and I would sit in my empty room and follow along, barely whispering the curse words at first, until I could say them out loud without feeling a gut-punch of guilt. I’m still not a big swearer, but hearing it doesn’t hurt my feelings anymore.
As a devout centrist, the concept of the Microaggression is one that I just took in stride. Obviously the Left is going to take it too far. Obviously the Right is going to pretend there’s nothing there at all. Obviously the truth is somewhere in the middle. But then I actually thought through what a microaggression was.
And the Right is right.
When someone deliberately, actively insults you, that’s an aggression. A microaggression is a “slight, insult, putdown, invalidation, or offensive behavior” committed by “generally well-intentioned individuals.” (UNC) In other words, the concept of the microagression takes responsibility for your feelings away from you and gives it to everyone around you.
The problem is, if someone cuts you off in traffic, and you, quite reasonably, decide to gently PIT maneuver them, you go to jail. Because there’s a difference between fault and responsibility. You would never have done that if they didn’t cut you off; it is their fault. But your actions are still your responsibility.
Your feelings are your responsibility even when they’re not your fault.
You have the option to try to teach someone a lesson when you get offended. Or you have the option to get over it. And the more often you choose to get over it, the easier it becomes to get over it.
The thing about responsibility is that it is a burden. So most of us are pretty happy to give it away if we can. But we’re also pretty happy eating refined sugar. And both refined sugar and the rejection of our burdens are extremely harmful in the medium and long term. Responsibility is what gives meaning to life. As Jordan Peterson says, to live the most fulfilled life you could possibly live means taking on as much responsibility as you can possibly bear. And that starts with taking responsibility for your actions and for your feelings.
