It’s a confusing time to be a man in the world. So many people have so many opinions on the right and wrong ways to be a man. Fortunately, you’ve found the definitive guide from the definitive man (no time to detail my innumerable accomplishments and bona fides).
Men are lucky. We are simple. We only need to work on 3 things to be our best: Presence, Personality, and Purpose. I have articulated 8 simple rules that apply to every single man. And every time a man breaks one, he is letting down the entirety of mankind.
PRESENCE:
Rule 1: You will be presentable.
As a man, you have a space that is yours. Whether it is your room, your apartment, your “man cave”, or your house, that is where you live however you want. In your underwear, unshowered, unshaven. Your kingdom. Your rules. But the moment you step out of your kingdom, you will make yourself presentable.
You will be groomed. Your hair and nails can do whatever you want them to, but they have to be doing what you want them to. Hair can be styled, trimmed, or shaved.
You will be clean. Even if you are going out knowing you will get dirty.
You will smell good. Soap and water are the bare minimum. Most benefit from deodorant. Some like cologne.
You will dress well. There are many different and equally valid styles in the world. Not everyone likes all the styles, but you are responsible for judging whether a style is appropriate.
Obviously nudists can skip that last part.
As a rule of thumb, picture the person you most look up to in the whole world. If you wouldn’t be horribly embarrassed to be in close proximity to that person while they judge you, you’re presentable.
Rule 2: You will be fit.
Being fit is being able to move through the world as efficiently, effectively, and comfortably as possible, both mentally and physically.
Not everyone is a genius. The average IQ is 100. But even with an IQ of 80, you can figure out the basics of loading a truck or laying concrete. If you’re a genius, you will apply it. If you’re not, you will find your level and apply that.
Not everyone is an athlete. If you have a mentally demanding but physically sedentary career, you might just be able to pull off 30 minutes of cardio a day and saying “no” to ice cream. But you will hold to that. If you’re paralyzed below the waist, you probably won’t be doing many squats, but you will maintain the fitness of your upper body.
And don’t forget that your mind is part of your body, so sitting on your ass eating junk food actually makes you dumber as well as weaker, while getting off your ass and lifting some weights makes you smarter as well as stronger.
Your most important tools in the world are your mind and your body, so it is your responsibility to make sure that they are as effective as tools as you can reasonably make them.
PERSONALITY:
Rule 3: You will be dignified.
To start, there’s a difference between respect and dignity. Respect is earned and you don’t owe it to anyone. But you will treat all humans, from the barista to the President of the United States, with dignity.
It is surprisingly easy to think of the people who serve your coffee or fix your car as tools, especially when you’re busy and distracted.
And on the opposite end of the spectrum, it’s easy to dehumanize your enemies, the people actively making your life harder.
But you will put in the effort to take a step back and recognize the humanity in each person you deal with over the course of your day.
People are complex. Henry Ford was a raging white supremacist, but he did great work at the Ford Motor Company. If you demonize him for the former, you risk minimizing the importance of the latter.
You will handle your conflicts privately. Do not parade a loved one’s mistakes around to your friends. It is tempting to seek out vindication of your own righteousness, but you will resist that temptation.
And when anyone behaves in an undignified way towards you, you will restrain your response and maintain your own dignity.
Rule 4: You will be strong.
Masculine strength has nothing to do with muscles. Being strong means doing what you know to be right, doing what you know needs to be done, whether you want to do it or not.
You will hold to your values when no one is watching and when everyone disagrees with you.
You will deny temptation when it comes between you and your obligations.
Like everyone else, you will suffer over the course of your life, but as a man, you will endure your suffering with dignity.
That does not mean bottling up or ignoring your feelings. You will work through them, either alone with practices like meditation or journaling, or with the support of a therapist or trusted friend.
But you will not use your suffering as an excuse to make life harder for the people around you.
Rule 5: You will be humble.
A humble man recognizes his own weaknesses and inescapable fallibility.
You will not push yourself past your own breaking point. You may prefer to reject help when you don’t need it, but you will seek help if you do need it.
You will investigate your own beliefs and actions. You may not want to admit to anyone when you discover that you were wrong, but you will admit it to yourself and you will correct yourself.
And when you have wronged someone else, you will make the proper amends.
PURPOSE:
The rules of purpose are the simplest, but also the most important. I saved them for last so that they stick.
Rule 6: You will work hard.
When it comes down to it, work is drudgery. And men were made to drudge. Find something that society needs done where the drudgery doesn’t crush your soul. Whether it’s accounting or collecting garbage or writing or playing guitar, you will never reach your potential if you only do it when you feel like.
Rule 7: You will develop expertise.
Women are multitaskers. Men are beings of focus. Find something you can be great at and be great at it. The world needs great pilots and painters and professors and plumbers. Be ambitious. Be realistic. And pick something. Even if it ends up being the wrong thing and you have to change directions, you learn more from going the wrong way than from staying still.
Rule 8: You will take care of your people.
Men are protectors, providers, and fixers. Whether it’s just your little sister or every employee of the company you run, your purpose in life is to take care of your people. The better you get at it, the more people you can adopt. And the more people you can adopt, the better.
The greatest kings were not self-centered tyrants. The greatest kings were servants to their people.
If you ignore all the other rules—if you completely fail to be presentable, fit, dignified, strong, humble, hardworking, or expert—just remember this: nothing means anything if you lose focus on the people you’re doing it all for.
